Georgina Onuoha's misdirected tirade and other stories

The media was stormed in the last few days with Actress, Georgina Onuoha’s public call out of her sister Uju’s husband for abandoning his wife and five children to marry another wife in Nigeria and refusal to give his previous wife, Uju a divorce even though she is asking for it. What stands out in the call out however is the amount of vitriol that is directed, not at the man, but at the side piece who married him. Effectively perpetuating the cycle that we have established and come to fear.

Blame the wife for not being good enough, then blame the side Chick for dating another woman’s husband. Hell, blame the children for being too noisy and too stubborn in the house, hence making their father need comfort outside the home. Blame his Pastor for not praying for him enough. Blame his mother for raising a bad son. And then when we’re done blaming all of those people, lets blame each other for contributing to a society that raised this man. Blame everybody possible, except the person who has decided to step out of his marriage and break his vows, and in all his narcissistic, manipulative glory, refuses to give his wife a divorce when she asks for it.

This exact behavior is the one thing that patriarchy has flourished off for centuries. The fact that women just seem to turn on each other at every opportunity, without ever even attempting to hold the real culprit accountable.

We often tend to forget that nobody owes us anything, and a random woman across the world who saw a man that she liked and went into a relationship with him, owes us nothing compared to the man who made vows to us and promised to be by our sides forever, forsaking all others.

According to the rumors that are flying around about this specific case, the man, obviously was married before. And Uju was in fact the side chick at some point too, then she became the wife. And now there’s a new side chick who has also become the wife. If there’s anything that has remained constant about this Situation, it is the man. Take away any of these women individually, and the only thing that remains constant is still the man. Twist this case, rewrite it in any different version and the one thing that will remain constant still is the man.

This is not to say that the side chic has no fault at all. Whatever crime she has is a crime that has been committed against herself. We owe it to ourselves to be mindful of how the people we get ourselves involved with, treat other people. A man who has treated his wife shabbily and poorly is likely to treat you good for a while and then change up at some point. This is exactly what happened with his first marriage.

We need to surround ourselves with people who we trust, people who have proven to us that they are good people, not just to us, But to other people who are disadvantaged from them. People who can offer them nothing and people with whom they have no more dealings.

There’s a popular Yoruba saying that goes: “The whip that was used to flog the first wife is only being kept. It will soon come out of hiding for the second wife.”

It’s not some sort of justice from the universe. It’s just common sense that the way a person behaves to the previous person in a relationship with them is how they will treat you at some point in your relationship with them. In fact, it has been said jokingly in social spaces that people should request for referrals from the exes of their intended. The idea is that Your relationship is very likely to be similar to the relationship that existed before yours.

As classy, opulent women, it is important for us to look out for our Peace of Mind. Luxury is not just something that we put on our skin. Sometimes luxury is how we choose to treat ourselves. What kind of relationship we walk into and what kind of people we allow in our lives.