Weponized incompetence

Imagine that you ask someone close to you, someone committed to you to do something. Imagine that they say they would do it, and they indeed launch into the task. Now imagine that they do the job so badly, that after a couple more times of asking them to do it, and having exactly the same result, you conclude that they just aren’t any good at the job so you stop asking them to do it and find alternative means of getting it done.

This Is Weaponized Incompetence!

Weaponized incompetence was coined by Eve Rodsky, and has been used all over the world since then. Buy it is not the weirdness of the situation that makes it so peculiar, but the fact that as soon as it is described, millions of men and women all over the globe identify it as something that has been or is being done to them by their lived ones, family members or in most cases, romantic partners. Based on the sheet amount of people that have confessed to having experienced this for of domestic violence at one point or the other, it is safe to say that it is something that affects more women than men.

Avoidance of responsibility

Weaponized incompetence is characterized by the an intentional avoidance of chores or responsibility through pretext of incompetence of inability, or other excuses such as

a. I am too busy

b. I don’t seem to get it right

c. I am too tired

d. I really hate this chore

e. I have no idea how to do it

f. I completely forgot to do it

Halfway completion of tasks

Another key characteristic of weaponized incompletely is an intentional half way completion of the task or intentionally doing a bad job. Like when we ask someone to take out the trash but they end up spilling a good deal of the contents of the trash on the kitchen floor without any effort or attempt to clean up after. Or maybe taking the trash out but just putting it right outside the house where raccoons can easily get to it.

Badly completed tasks

A lot of time, the chore that such people are asked or required to do would be small chores. The bare minimum effort required chores which on their own may not seem like a lot, but when added to the hundreds of other chores that the other person has to do, may become burdensome. Asking a person to feed a baby for instance or change diapers or just bath a child. The person may consciously or subconsciously do a really bad job that will make them seem completely illiterate when it comes to the fact ask ahead.

Psychologists agree that weaponized incompetence could be categorized as a manipulation Tactic, maybe even a passive-aggressive form of abuse. Even though it may be unintentional, the manipulation is a serious enough issue for international bodies to identify and discuss it.

What to do when you are facing Weaponized Incompetence in your relationship

Many victims of weaponized incompetence may not even notice that they are being emotionally, Psychologically and physically abused until someone else points it out to them. And worse, it is also difficult to confront because of it’s passive aggressive nature.

The first step fixing this unhealthy situation is

1. Recognize the pattern. Establish that the person involved indeed does this often and that it’s not just a one time thing. Ideally, three times would be the number to look for.

2. Wait for them to do it again and confront them about it, while letting them know that you will not be shouldering their share of the responsibility in the future.

3. Depending on their response, explain in details how their behavior makes you feel and encourage them to change.

4. If they are receptive to your boundaries, they’ll make efforts to change and even apologize for past misdeeds. If however they start and argument and turn the situation around such that you feel bad for having brought it up, you might have a toxic relationship on your hands.