Signs That Show You're In An Unhealthy Relationship

One of life’s greatest challenges is to be around people who are draining your energy, who are non-supportive and who are just plain difficult. As f life wasn’t complicated enough — to make ends meet, to find your purpose, to find joy — there are certain types of individuals who make it difficult to live your everyday. No matter if we are talking about, family, friends, colleagues or your partner — you deserve to have people in your life who you enjoy spending time with, you help you and support you and who don’t deplete your energy.

While it is extremely difficult to deal with toxic family members and work in a toxic work environment, one of the worst things that can happen is to have a toxic person as a partner.

What are the signs of a toxic individual in a relationship?

They would rather be right than find I resolution

Arguments can be a good thing in a relationship, they give you the chance to work together and get through a problem. But it needs to be you and him against the problem, not you against him.

If all you want is to be right, you can’t ever get to the resolution. You will always be coming against a brick wall.

The toxic person has little empathy and can’t see things from your perspective. Everything you say is interpreted as an attack and so he launches a counterattack, and this gets you nowhere.

The world is out to get them

In the first phases of the relationship, it is only right to form a union where the two of you stand together — fighting the odds or the difficulties. But it doesn’t have to mean that the whole world is against you.

If your partner is overly worried about the negativity coming from the world, if they feel that everything and everyone is against them — it can be a sign of a toxic individual. Even if it sounds really romantic to stand against the world, in reality, the world doesn’t care. It is nothing but attention-seeking and responsibility shifting. If someone is overly concerned and blames the external circumstances all the time, it’s only a matter of time that they will start blaming you for what is happening to them.

A mature individual is a master of their life, fully understanding that consequences follow actions and that there are certain things that they can and should control. Letting go of the responsibility and shifting blame is a red flag.

Everything is your fault

One of the biggest signs of an emotionally mature person is they can accept responsibility for their actions. They recognize they aren’t perfect, that there’s room to grow, and when you bring up an issue in the relationship, they will have empathy and will see your perspective and will try to work on it.

An immature or toxic person thinks they can do no wrong. If you have a problem with the relationship, it’s your problem.

Nothing is ever her fault. If you’re upset about something it’s because you’re too sensitive or you’re expecting too much of him or you’re being crazy or unreasonable.

The biggest sign of an emotional psychopath is the inability to see things from the other person’s perspective, ever.

They can’t understand why something might upset you or why you might be hurt over something, and they make you feel ashamed of your feelings, they make you feel like you’re somehow flawed or bad and that this is a problem you need to fix.

If a guy can’t or won’t take responsibility or try to see where you’re coming from, then it’s a huge, massive red flag and you should get out now. The deeper you get into these relationships, the harder it will be.

You feel tired after meeting them

No matter how much you love someone, they can get tiring after a while. Getting away from a loved one, even for just hours, or a day can feel great and it can add to the feeling of missing them. It’s only natural to be on your own and then be happy about meeting again.

But when your partner makes you feel tired every time you meet them, it might be a sign that something is off. You deserve to be with people who energise you, not deplete you. The energy-draining can happen on multiple levels and none of them is too promising. It can be about the drama they create, it can be about the amount of attention they require without reciprocating it, it can be about an imbalance of silence and talking, it can even be about too much sex.

The initial period of getting to know each other is to set the boundaries and find out the compromise that works for both of you.

The exhaustion usually happens if the boundaries are constantly stretched — possibly on multiple levels. And if you spend too much time together without having an opportunity to breathe and recharge it can mean that they drain you.

If it happens regularly, it is a sign that they can’t respect your boundaries and that’s a sign of toxicity.

They act differently with you than with others

Do you know the saying that you should judge someone according to how he treats the waiter? You might have the perfect relationship when you are together, yet your partner acts slightly or totally different when you are not alone. It can be either way: they can be overly sweet and way too compliant when there are others present, or they can be rude and impatient — blaming it on the external conditions.

When you are with someone, of course they will act differently in the bedroom than in a restaurant. But if you see a shift in character that’s alarming, you shouldn’t sweep your intuition under the rug. Toxic people usually have some sort of mask, that will eventually slip, allowing you to see their real face.

If the difference is too big between what you see when you are alone and when you are not alone, don’t ignore the sign.

They won’t work on it

Relationships take work, the work needs to come from both sides.

If he says everything is fine as it is or you’re too demanding and he doesn’t need to change and the relationship doesn’t need to change, that’s a big red flag.

The most important thing to look for in a man is if he’s willing to make it work,, if he’s committed to making it work.

If you don’t have that, you can’ have anything.

The fact is, none of us is fully emotionally healed and whole. I tell you guys to work on yourself but there isn’t really an endpoint. And when you hit an endpoint and you feel whole and complete and self-actualized, something else will come along and rip open old wounds for you to deal with.

Toxic people are not always mean. They might not even know that they are toxic and draining. It can be because of traumas and emotional baggage that they are carrying with them. There can be excuses and explanations — yet as an adult, you don’t need to teach anyone about common courtesy and decency. You shouldn’t explain basic notions to them, such as attention, reciprocity or patience.

It is possible that it’s part of your journey together to adapt to each other, to learn about each other’s quirks and weirdness — and it’s a great thing. We can learn a lot from the versatility and personal differences. They can show us our boundaries, or they can teach us to be more outgoing, more experimental, more open.

But if you feel that something is off, even if you can’t put a finger on the reasons, there is a chance that something is really off and it’s not just in your mind. You should try to discuss it and call them out on their unpleasant behaviour (such as a backhanded compliment) and see how they react to criticism.