Talking To Your Children About Body Confidence

Fostering a healthy sense of body image is an important way to set up children for success in life. Research shows that positive body image is linked to higher self-esteem and healthy behaviours, while negative body image is associated with behaviours and feelings such as lower self-esteem, depression and disordered eating.

Although peers and the media shape how kids feel about their appearance as they get older, parents also play a major role in the development of their children’s sense of body image, and it starts from a very early age.

Criticising your own body in front of your little one — i.e., engaging in “negative body talk” — may seem harmless because it’s not directed at the child, but kids often translate and internalise some pretty toxic messages from these sorts of comments. They can also start to think and say similar negative things about themselves.

DO NOT SAY: Appearance is more important than character

It takes effort and may feel unnatural, but parents can help their children develop healthy body attitudes by putting in the work to unlearn many of their own attitudes, beliefs, biases and behaviours when it comes to food, weight, body image, health and exercise.

Instead of focusing on looks, try to point out and compliment people’s positive behaviors and values — including your own and your children’s.

Make it clear that weight and physical attractiveness are not the most important aspects of identity and self-worth.This helps children develop stronger self-esteem and shows that you respect people based on their character, rather than their appearance.

DO NOT SAY: Bodies are something to be ashamed of

If your kids frequently express a sense of shame and negativity about their bodies, it may be helpful for them to see a professional therapist to have further discussions and develop strategies for improving body image and self-esteem. It’s worth noting that this issue can affect boys as well as girls.

Despite popular opinion that feeling ashamed of your body motivates you to lose weight, eat well and exercise, we know that in fact the opposite is true.

People who can appreciate their bodies for all the amazing things they can do, eat more fruit and vegetables, engage in healthy exercise and have a more stable body weight than people who have high body dissatisfaction or body shame.

DO NOT SAY: Bodies that don’t look a certain way are bad bodies

Implicit in comments about wanting your body to look different is the idea that only bodies that conform to certain standards of beauty are “good” bodies, and the rest are “bad” bodies. Parents can instead try to teach their children to value and appreciate the diversity of looks in our society. Positive comments include “Bodies come in all different shapes, sizes and colours” and “All bodies are good bodies.”

We suggest modelling this concept by treating everyone with respect, regardless of their appearance.

DO NOT SAY: Physical activity is just for weight loss

If kids only hear discussions of physical activity in the context of weight and body image, they may associate exercise strictly with achieving a certain appearance, rather than the amazing health benefits and joy of movement. Parents should try to separate exercise from how a person looks when discussing physical activity.

Including physical activity in discussions of body appreciation, with comments like “I appreciate my body and I will respect it with love, nourishment, and joyful movement.”