Ways To Tell Someone You're Not Interested Without Ghosting

Ghosting is described by Dictionary.com as "the practice of suddenly ending all contact with a person without explanation, especially in a romantic relationship." At best, it can be seen as a hazard that comes with the territory of modern dating but, at worst, it comes across rude and can be painful and confusing.

One of the most difficult things about being ghosted is its potential to knock a person's confidence. Studies have found that social rejection activates the same pain pathways in the brain as physical pain.

Here are ways you can handle it instead:

1. Assess The Situation

The moment you start thinking about ghosting someone, take time to assess the situation. Chances are, you just aren't interested in them anymore, and want to explore your other options. If that's the case, consider how seriously you've been dating, and how invested you've both become.

If you've only messaged back and forth a few times on an app, and haven't met up in person, there's zero need to offer an explanation. Simply stop responding, and move on. If you've been on a few dates, or have been hyping up a first date, be honest and let them know your feelings have changed.

And remember, it's totally fine to do so! Many people, and women in particular, tend to feel beholden to others, and fear being too honest. (Heck, you might even consider going on a date you don't want to go on, just to avoid awkwardness.) But what's the entire point of dating? To figure out whether you like another person or not, and that means rejection is part of the game.

Of course, if you assess the situation and deem it potentially dangerous, it's acceptable to fade away.

2. Send An Honest Text

If the issue is general incompatibility, as opposed to threatening vibes, then the person is deserving of your respect and has the right to know what went wrong. Remember, being ghosted and wondering what fatal error you committed is a lot more painful than receiving a text, even if it's of the "hey, sorry this isn't going to work out" variety.

So rejoice in the fact you have the option to send a message, and start figuring out what you'd like to say. If the person was nice, but you just weren't feeling the chemistry, something straightforward like, "I've appreciated the time you have put into getting to know me, but I'm no longer interested in pursuing this relationship because of XYZ." Resist the urge to lie, she says, and instead offer a simple explanation as to why you'll be moving on. You didn't have anything in common, didn't feel a spark — whatever it may be!

If you aren't looking for the same things, point it out by saying, "Thank you for sharing such genuine kindness and humour with me, but I am looking for someone who is ready to commit. I wish you nothing but the best." That way the other person knows they're not inherently unlovable; they're simply not the right fit for you.

And finally, if the reason you're moving on is because you met someone else, go ahead and say so. The text can read: "I have enjoyed getting to know you, but I have met someone else who is a better fit for me right now. I hope you find the right person for you!" That way, they'll know not to keep trying.

Whatever the case may be, it's important to be as honest as possible, so that the other person has clear answers, and isn't left to feel bad about themselves, or to wonder what happened.

3. Ask To Hang Out As Friends

Unrequited love sucks almost as much as ghosting. But if you'd like to keep this person in your life, in a platonic sort of way.

The best text to send is, "I enjoyed getting to know you, and would love to continue on as friends." Of course, the other person has every right in the world to request space to get over their feelings, or to express that a friendship would make them kind of uncomfortable. But in any case, you'll know you tried! Why ghost someone who could turn out to be a great friend?

It's always going to be a million times easier to simply disappear and spare yourself a potentially awkward text conversation, than to be honest. But think about all the times you've been ghosted, and do the other person the favour of ending things once and for all, in a kind and honest way.