Five signs you are being abused.

What is abuse

When we think about or hear the word “abuse”, we often assume that someone has been hit, pushed around or bullied in a way that is immediately obvious. Unless we are trained psychologists, psychiatrists or have been near abuse and are self-aware enough to recognize it, we may never understand the full extents of abuse and how it manifests in many different colours, shapes, sizes and presentations. It is therefore important to know and be able to recognize abuse in all its forms and subtlety as this has proven to be the very first step for getting out of abusive situations.

In basic terms, abuse refers to a situation when a person who has privileged access to us uses that access to hurt us. Abuse is a misuse of a privileged relationship or situation to hurt or harm another person. Examples of abuse can be found within the context o child to parent, husband to wife, teacher to student, mentor to mentee, boss to subordinate, girlfriend to boyfriend and even siblings relationship. For the purpose of this conversation, we are going too focus on the relationship between man and woman who are lovers.

Types of abuse in brief

Now there are several different types of abuse. Below is a non exhaustive list of the most common types.

1. Emotional abuse

2. Physical abuse

3. Psychological abuse

4. Financial abuse

5. Economical abuse

6. Sexual abuse

7. Neglect

8. Verbal abuse

Five signs you’re in an abusive relationship

Sometimes, an abusive situation is so subtle that the victim does not even notice it until it escalates. This may be due to the abuser being otherwise extremely charismatic, friendly, caring, maybe even seemingly kind. It is however important for people to be aware and know when they are being abused because this is what will help them make informed decisions on what to do next.

1. Gas lighting: gas lighting is a form of emotional abuse that is characterized by lies and deceit that makes you question your reality. It is when you are made to question facts in such a way that you become unsure about what really happened even though you used to be clear of the facts. Over time, this cane result in low self esteem (on the part of the victim) and maybe even a full onset o nervous breakdown and anxiety. When people twist even ts to the point of making you question yourself over something that you witnessed, experienced or are sure of in some other way, this is called gas lighting and the people who do this are abusive.

2. Controlling: when you start to feel like you are living under some sort of rules, or that you couldn’t make your own plans because someone else’s plans could over ride yours, what you have going on is a controlling situation. A controlling person tried to become the dictator of your activities, feelings and emotions. This kind of relationship is heavily unhealthy.

3. Isolating: this is when a person is constantly trying to isolate you from family, friends and support system. They seem to have a problem about everyone who maters to you, and they may even tell you to quit talking to specific people. A close look however will reveal that most of the people they attempt to isolate you from are really close friends and realties. If they are unable to out rightly isolate you, they would try to start a dramatic situations that would make the family or friend cut you off on their own.

4. Aggressive: if you are unable to have a conversation with your partner without being scared hat they would becomes aggressive about it, you are being abused. A person should never have to fear possible aggression from their partners. Aggressive behaviour can include yelling, pushing, snapping, even silent treatment.

5. Threatening to harm: the biggest red flag of an abusive relationship is when the partner threatens harm. The truth is; most physically violent abusers do not just start overnight. They usually start small and seem to test the waters for a while before going into full on abuse mode. Part of testing the waters is actually threatening physical harm in a verbal altercation.

What to do?

Three letter words; RUN.

The fastest way to get out off an early abusive situation is to shut it down immediately. Leave, walk away, do not give an explanation or any form of closure. So yes, go ahead and block that abusers number right now. Keep them far away from your personal space. Now this is not about war, it is rather about making sure that you are safe.